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After a long day (and week) of conversations 

and of running and of walking about, 

I find myself pondering upon 

the mysteries of growth and change. 

There is a handful of things 

I fail to comprehend, 

there is a certain extent of self-contempt 

that wracks my chest--

I am lost in a haze, 

blinded in a maze. 

The days 

have been demanding and requiring. 

I find myself looking from side to side, 

trying to gauge the measure of the path I'm on. 

I don't know. 

Within the dying hours, 

I reflect and fail to understand. 

Am I taking any step forward? 

Why does it seem like 

I am retracting back and again

to the point where I have been 

when I was younger? 

I feel squeezed in in this being 

that doesn't seem to grow. 

I need to let myself out. 

I need to see who I really am. 

Or am I now who I should be? 

And the only key to it is acceptance? 

It's a wonder, a trick, a riddle. 

The self 

is the most difficult puzzle 

to figure out, 

and I want a way to solve it. 

Because apart from learning 

the real deal within me, 

I will be found in sorrow. 

How does faith and love grow? 

How does hope get into completion? 

I don't understand 

but what I am most sure of is 

that acknowledgment of the state of the heart is 

the first step, 

all else is a blur, 

but I want to say 

that the journey is on--

I am going to allow myself 

to be more than my confusion and regrets, 

my wonders and retraces.