Middle Fourteen Playlist

Middle Fourteen Playlist

1. Thrive - Switchfoot
2. Come Here - Marble Sounds
3. Love & Loss - The Honey Trees
4. Yet - Switchfoot
5. Nothing Like Your Love - Hillsong United
6. Will You Be There - Skillet
7. Concrete Girl - Switchfoot
8. Uncertainty - The Fray
9. The Fear You Won't Fall - Joshua Radin
10. Come Right Out And Say It - Relient K
11. Backwards - Christina Perri
12. Let Her Go - Passenger

Interview with Jon Foreman

This morning, I was digging stuff on Youtube, and I came across an Air1 interview with Jon Foreman (Switchfoot's frontman). This was held last January 2014, while Switchfoot was on tour promoting their latest album, Fading West.

I can't help but post this video on my page, because the interview was so beautiful, it actually hits/targets the fourth-quadrant-people. In this interview, Jon talked about questions nonbelievers ask, and questions lingering in Christians' heads.

By the way, Swtichfoot is an American alt rock band. The members of the band are Christians but they are not a Christian band (see here), thus they commercially target the secular market.

"Where is God in the genocide?" (his thoughts when he wrote the song Vice Verses)

"I can be filled with horrible thoughts in the very center of church or conversely, I can be in the mind of Christ in a really dark place..."

"The church can be the most dangerous place for Christians, because we can be so insulated, incubated, we forget about the suffering..."

"The moment you ask yourself 'Why am I here?', 'Is there God, is He real?', then that's the moment you drive yourself to discovery."

"There are surfers chasing waves... but what if we made a movie about surfers chasing songs not just waves" on their movie, Fading West.

Switchfoot is a classic favorite of mine. Usually, Jon tackles the interior of a Christian's life in most of his writings. He also writes about people who are confused and who are trying to find meaning in life. He exposes what other Christians try to cover. I love that I could say "this song is my life" on most of their tracks.

Concrete Girl: A Song for a/the Heroine

Concrete Girl (from the album New Way to be Human) is a song written and performed by the American band Switchfoot, which is also a super-favorite band of mine (because I love their music and the poetic atmosphere in their songs). Most of the time,  for a morning jumpstarter from my playlist, I play Switchfoot's groovy songs (e.g. Awakening, You Already Take Me There).

Anyway

This is the first time I'm gonna feature something like this on my blog just because

Last night or yesterafternoon, I was in the office (the site of my internship) and I was reprimanded. I cried in front of my boss. For (more or less) 30 minutes. And I don't understand why. Why was I doing that? I'm a total failure, I thought... while crying... and I cried even more. I was so fragile, I could be broken even more than I was already broken. From pieces to more pieces.

I was sorry I did cry. My boss really was sorry. She said she was, she even texted me last night. That makes things feel even more miserable. I made someone feel bad about herself. And while I was thinking that while I was crying in front of her while she's saying sorry to me, I cried even more.

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And then I rode the fx to home. Along the way, I put on my headphones and listened to music. Concrete Girl of Switchfoot played first. Here's how it goes:

Bleeding thoughts 

Cracking boulder 

Don't fall over 

Fake your laughter 

Burn the tear 

Sing it louder 

Twist and shout 

Way up here 

We stand on shoulders 

Growing colder 

Laugh or cry 

I won't mind 

Sing it louder 

Twist and shout 

Immovable shadows 

The concrete girl 

They'll rock your world to nothing 

And they're swimming around again, again 

And they're swimming around 

The concrete girl 

Catch your breath like four-leaf clover 

Hand it over 

Scream to no one 

Take your time 

Sing it louder 

Twist and shout 

Nothing to run from is worse than something 

And all your fears of nothing 

And they're swimming around again, again 

And they're swimming around 

The concrete girl 

Concrete girl don't fall down 

In this broken world around you 

Concrete girl don't fall down 

Don't fall down my concrete girl 

Don't stop thinking 

Don't stop feeling now 

One step away from where we were 

And one step back to nothing 

And we're standing on top of our hopes and fears 

And we're fighting for words now concrete girl 

And we're swimming around again, again 

And we're swimming around now 

Concrete girl 

(lyrics via azlyrics.com)

Then, what did I do while listening to this song, aside from hitting the "repeat current song" in the settings? I cried even more, yea, but, I reflected just like how heroines in movies do. I looked out the window and watched the fast-paced world, this concrete world. I watched the city lights. I watched the people. I tried to see where I am in this sea of people. I am drowned in this sea of people, but someone's telling me to not fall down in this broken world around me. I was like oh, Switchfoot, thank you so much!

It was like God was playing the song to me. It was like He was holding my hand, telling me, don't fall down. 

When you say something's concrete, it is something made of hard material. For me, when the surface of something is concrete, it serves to protect something that's fragile within it. I've always believed that I was strong and that no one could make me falter aside from myself. I can do things myself, I can cry on my own and stand up on my own. With what has happened, I feel like I failed myself. I don't know if I failed my mask or if my mask failed me. (I need to put on a different mask). I cried and let someone see that I am so broken. Of course, what they see is that I was crying because I was scolded. No, they're wrong. My boss didn't have to say sorry.

I was crying because I was so broken. I'm afraid for myself. I'm afraid to end up miserable forever in the same type of job or career. I'm afraid that my dreams wouldn't come true. I'm afraid about everything that hasn't happened yet. I was a total failure. I chose the monetary benefits over what could probably make me happy (because I earn allowance in my internship). I've always promised myself that I would never let myself choose high profits over my dreams but

And I broke down. The concrete girl I thought I was shattered because I hit concrete ground. When a weaker concrete hits another concrete, she gets broken. I was so embarrassed for crying because it felt like I bared myself in front of everyone, showing what I've always learned to hide. I prefer crying behind doors than in front of everyone's eyes.

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Switchfoot is right. I shouldn't fall down. The world is already broken! Why add myself there. I could never accept that I am fragile, because I think that that's for beautiful women with delicate skin only, women of my type has no other option but to be strong. I don't want to be fragile because that's for heroines of cliche storylines only. But anyway, I am fragile so that makes me a heroine. So, I need to allow God to rebuild me. I need to allow the Lord to be my concrete walls which will never break down.

Thanks, Switchfoot for this music.

Concrete girls out there, don't fall down in this broken world around you. X