The Woman That You Are

You will never be the woman you envy. 

As you read that line, her face comes to mind. Her expressive eyes, her lips when they curve into a smile. You remember the vigor she has or that gentleness in her when she walks. You remember her bright ideas. You remember her quietness. You remember her enthusiasm at life. You remember the way she is hopeful and light, or that reserved spirit that makes her a mystery. Why does she have to be this feminine? Why does she have to walk on the career path you want for yourself? All these features you remember with ache, all images quiet insults against your confidence. 

She could be anyone to you— the top student from gradeschool, that woman on a famous TV series, your best friend, your love’s past flame, or the woman he loves. She may be someone you know closely or someone who is unaware of you. 

But she’s always there. 

When you shop and look at yourself in the mirror, “do I get to look a little more like her?” or when you run downstairs in a hurry, making sure you project a completely different person, a person who could be more than her or could be from a completely different pole... she’s there. You do your best to take her out of your system, you try your best to find her in you.

But within you is you.

As you remember her, the soul within you hopes for the day you would recognize you. Oh, that you’d see that you have a sweet way in you, that you gasp when you see something you find lovely, or that you’d know that that gentle smile in your eyes is enough of an expression. The woman in you waits for you to express your unique artistry, or that you’d know that your dark eyes which are too deep or too small beholds a million stories. You like dancing but your feet won’t coordinate with the beat of the music, but still, you are your own fun person. Do you recall your best childhood memories running around hiding behind trees under the moonlight? 

You may try to be her, the woman you envy. But within you is an irreplaceable being only you can embody. And you are enough. That soul doesn’t limit you from admiring and crowning other women with words that they deserve, no, you don’t. Your soul even hopes that you could be inspired by her, but your soul hopes that as you recognize all these other women’s feats, you’d recognize yours as well. I hope you see that your cage locks you away from your own light. I hope you see that the woman in you is worth fighting for, worth believing, worth living up to. 

You are your own season. You are your own form. You are your own story. And you, you are enough to be free, to be celebrated, to be loved. 

Just as when you were created, He already knew your inward parts, knew your substance even when you were yet unformed (Psalm 139). You have been created with wisdom. You have been created with love. That makes you enough. 

So, no, you will not be her, but someone better for the life you own. You have always been designed to be you. 

Why Being Single Doesn't Bother Me (Not That Anyone's Asking)

Looking at the world... and the people taking selfies.

I hit my 21st year of existence a few months ago, I just graduated from college (and from an entire life of studying) also a few months ago, I have officially arrived at the stage of adulthood, and I am single--have been, since birth. Congratulations to me, I've reached that stage in life where I am independent and on my own! And celebrating it this Vday. Normally, Valentine's Day would just pass with me having friends around or me not even realizing it is over. Today, I am all by myself, and am conscious of it. And for the past days, as the world has been preparing for this big big day! hooray!, I had one of those few moments when I tried to reflect on singlehood.

In the past, it's always me being amazed at myself on how I managed to live a life not getting affection in that manner. But today, or at this moment in my life, I am sincerely grateful I am single. Seriously. And though there are lotsa posts about the perks of being single and how to enjoy the single life that I could have just reblogged, I want to write about my personal joys on being single.

1. I am completely on my own.
 
When deciding upon matters, I don't have to depend on anyone or to wait for someone's approval just so I could do it. I mean, I know that other couples give each other the freedom to do whatever in the world they want to do separately, but I find it a comforting feeling to realize I don't have to inform anyone (of course, my mom is forever the first audience to my decisions) that I'm gonna be out there and do something. It feels really good. I mean it's really definitely sweet to have someone committed to taking care of you, but at this age, I am enjoying the freedom I have been born with.

2. I don't have another person to consider when making decisions or going anywhere.

Yea, enjoying this decision-making spree. But what I mean this time is that I don't have to think if I'm gonna hurt someone or I don't have to consider how I could spend time with the supposedly-(but non-existent)-special someone. I think that context I am coming from here is the fact that my "job" has this description of being always on-the-go. And it's a lesser hassle having nobody else to be far from, another person to say goodbye to everytime I have to go, another person to go back to (awww, that last one is definitely making an appeal contrary to the theme of this post), etc.

3. No other person to argue with

Life is enough with all these hassles and tangles, and stuff. I mean I don't feel bad about it all, it's completely and acceptably inevitable. But it's really a great relief not having anyone else in that tangle. Imagine: it's more than enough facing disappointments relative to loved ones and career and everything else, and adding just one more person to involve in the craze! Well, it sounds negative here, but it is apparent, and I am not gonna lie that I am not ready to have anyone else in yet. I mean, I'm not ready to put up with another person, to roll eyes to another one, to have to defend myself to another, to have to listen to his own defenses... I mean, AT THIS TIME. Especially that this stage is the figuring-out stage for me. I haven't figured myself out completely yet, I mean enough to have to figure out someone else already. So, it is a safe time for me and the guy about to come not to meet yet.

4.  Figuring myself out is way easier.

Connected to my earlier point, I am figuring out a lot of things about me lately. I have been going on in this getting-to-know-me stage, and it can be really painful and fun at the same time (but more of in the painful side). I feel like I am being groomed to become a woman. It is a good thing to find out how I can be comfortable in being with myself. I don't have to rely to a significant other and find my identity in him. This is high time for me to enjoy what I'm made of, and even to discover those things about me that haven't been revealed to me yet. It's a crazy ride, and it's good I'm doing it solo. Really.

5. Time is all mine.

It may seem but a selfish thing to be so glad about having it all (decisions, life, time) mine. But it is even more selfish to have to include someone else when you cannot be all out in giving everything yet. See? I can read books, watch movies/series, write, meet with friends, opt to ignore messages, explore life, etc (I think this is the basis for most of the Enjoy Single Life articles and blog posts), without having to think of failing to attend to my commitment with that love of mine. And it is a lovely thing to be comfortable on being on your own. And just the thought of it makes me want to hooray with an "I can live on my own, like this forever" drama.


Basically,  I am grateful because I am not in a relationship while I am not ready yet. And it's a good thing. I think that it is something that single women should rejoice upon. That they're not given the load they're not up for yet. Sometimes I think that girls who are desperate to be in a romantic relationship are those girls who shouldn't be in it yet. Or even guys. Thinking that having someone show you affection is what can satisfy you might prove that you have to learn how to comfortable with yourself first. And so, enjoy. It is not an easy task evolving into a more matured human, and so, as the days are still ripe: enjoy, seize the moments, and get the most out of life.

PS
May you experience grace and love of Christ that surpasses anything anyone else could give you! Happy hearts day! Enjoy Love.

Spell Beautiful

via

We are all broken,
That's how the light gets in.
-Ernest Hemingway

Sometimes I get confused with preferences and standards. The concepts of the un-beautiful and the overlooked. Are we always boxed within predetermined concepts that we end up adjusting to meet those standards, failing to find out what's true, pure and sincere? Wouldn't it be a lot more empowering to understand and perceive surfaces with the context underlying and surrounding them?

What is the meaning of "beautiful"? Is it an appearance or is it an expression? An appearance that is changeable and variable with time and events? Or an expression of something that is within, of something more powerful and more genuine, of pains, joys, curiosities, and passions?

You are beautiful. I'm not saying this because this line has been available and rehearsed by most people to appreciate people. There is a certain depth to these words that only those who choose to look will understand. Everyone has beauty. And every one of us should appreciate each other's beauty. But let me add another idea here. 

We are all beautiful but this beauty we possess can only be visible if we choose to show it. Never think that the definition of beautiful is the standard set by people whose eyes see only the shallowest. The beauty in you is the reality that is within you. It may be absurd, it may be unacceptable, it may be imperfect... according to the predetermined standards. What makes you real is what makes you human, and that itself makes you beautiful. 

We have fears. We are afraid that the reality in us may limit us from being accepted or loved, but true acceptance and true love sees through imperfections and weaknesses. True love appreciates real beauty. When we tamper this authentic beauty with pretensions and with efforts to climb up the society's standards, that's when we choose to hide the beautiful in us. But if we remain true and pure, then, there would we find those who will love us with sincerity. We should allow people to love the real beauty in us. 

You think you're unusual? There's so much beauty in what's different. There's so much beauty in the real expression of the spirit within everyone's flesh. Don't get bothered that you're deviated from the norms, as long as it's real and true, it is ethereal and worthy of love and appreciation.  

These words are not new. They've been paraphrased, translated, rephrased, spoken, written, believed, rejected, passed on from nations to nations, among peoples, throughout time. But its timelessness proves its strength. All of us should be reminded of these things everytime, so we might not falter to look for the wrong kind of love through the wrong ways of beautifying ourselves.

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A reminder to self

PS, this certain post's font style is annoyingly different from the whole blog's font style. Tried to do something about it, but it ain't changing ugh. Just saying.