. . .

 

Anything that didn't have life cannot die, 

Anything that wasn't first conceived cannot disappear

Everything that has life is vulnerable to death,

But not everything that lives dies

Everything that exists may fade, 

But there are things that have years and lifetimes to last, 

While others spend seconds or minutes at most

If anything that has life may die, 

Are the things that have died capable of living again? 

If anything may disappear, 

Are there those that may possibly be still found? 

Are the paths we walk linear? 

Or there are roads that go in rounds? 

For every story that has ended, 

Can beginnings be opened anew? 

For every mark and period that had been slated, 

Can a tale still continue? 

If there is such discovery in our courses, 

Where mishaps and fails become glories

Then, the hopes in our gaps

Are miracles that wait to be known

- Sarakit

The Ideal Life

Mode: Blabber

Okay. So. 22.

Yep. Life has been so fast. I feel like I'm understating everything, so... LIFE IS SO FAST. I couldn't find better words to describe how intense and rapid everything is for me at the moment. I am aching for a slow down. Nope, just kidding. 

I am 22 for 21 days now, and it feels so odd how I am just 22. Man! How could I be 22? I mean I've waited all my life for this time to happen, and yet here I am marveling at the fact that I'm actually 22. How could that be? I promise not to make sense in this post so...

I've always waited for this age to happen. It feels like when I turn 22, everything will blossom into an even more brighter theme, and that life would be as clear as the skies after a horrible storm. As if there would be a rainbow in it. Or something like that. And here I am gushing over the fact that I am 22 and I'm still a bummer in my bad days, and I am still a loose talker in my good ones. Come on, couldn't I be a better individual uniquely tailored for a beautiful and serene and gentle existence in this aged planet? 

And suddenly, everyone else's life looks much more ideal than mine. I mean everyone's that isn't mine. I feel so uncomfortable being in my own skin. I feel like wanting to run from everything and everyone if I could just do it. I feel like dropping stuff off for me to be able to flee from all these wretched circumstances, and however much I want to just be okay with all these things (aka life), I couldn't. And being aware of how I am feeling makes it all the worse. Because of course, my value is to choose to see the beauty in everything. So this existence tantrum is on me. 

It's actually very difficult, to be honest. Well, I know, it's just a phase. And while I'm on it, I wanna anecdote it, probably, to remind myself someday that THIS kind of fit happens. I'm having a fit over life, come on. And when I just get to the threshold of all these overthinking and babbling, I would have to just move on. Because this is the time in one's life when the only way is forward. Just one step away or backward could make me trip.

My words could be piercing, my actions could be destructive, and my thoughts could be catatonizing. And if I want to live the type of existence I would want to have, I'd have to make way for my heart to understand that things aren't the way they used to be. This is the time of my life when I'm going to be taken seriously. So everything that I produce would take effect on the creatures and circumstances it is delivered to. In short, I have to be careful. I have to embody the woman that I am, difficult as it is. Because I'm not a little girl anymore. My decisions aren't trial-and-error-based. I am making my life. And I should choose the one which doesn't just give but also reflects the meaning and value of my heart. Because I know that the only way for me to not regret or regress is for me to be who I have really been crafted. It is not who I think I am, not who others think I am or should be, but the one that has been originally blueprinted in my being. 

And I guess, at 22, that's the journey I'm taking on. Maybe as the years go by, more questions will come up as some will be answered. Anddd, of course, failures will always be there. Yes, I should be more careful, but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fall or fail or get hurt or break people. But I could choose to live a life of value and meaning. And I guess, that the only way for me to be comfortable in my own skin is to acknowledge the love that I am worthy to receive and the love that I am capable to give. I have been wonderfully made for the reason of existence for a certain purpose--that which I am about to find out. I don't have to end up with solved puzzles at the end of this year, or even of this lifetime. I have to focus on the journey, and to live this life well. 

So, while I'm still on bumming, I have to do some catching up with my own life!

Women Woes

via

Woman, what are you?

*deep sigh

I'm trying to figure out what the real score on my orientation, my gender, my design is. I have always thought that my gender is just another one of those characteristics I embody, not anything else that differs me much from the other half of the species of this planet, not anything so huge that could affect my lifestyle and activities... I mean, I have never thought myself distinct from men. I thought that I could do what they do, that it's not exactly different at all; except that I solely prefer men when it comes to romantic involvements, nothing else makes it different for me and them. Well, and of course, all the other biological stuff per se. 

But, recently, as I get to know more people and get to know more women and get to know more men, at the phase of my life when I'm already entirely deviated from childhood (in the structure of society), I am having these moments. I feel different from men in a conscious manner. That I cannot be like them, like... them. That I have my own distinct qualities, and they have their own, and I shouldn't try to take over their roles. Or something like that. It's become inexpressible for me, and it brings me to deep thinking on this new aspect of humanity that I am getting exposed to, that I am, or should be, embracing. It's like finding someone within my heart and allowing her to surface. This woman in me, I guess, it's trying to take over.

And it's weird.

I was raised up in a family full of women. Most of the women in my family are single, my mom has been a single parent for more than a decade now. I have been single since I first saw the world. And, I have never thought myself in need of someone to carry my bag for me because I never saw anyone take off the carriage behind my mother. And that kind of modeling proved me that a woman is strong enough to take on the roles of both sexes. Somehow, it's been what I have been modeling myself after as well. 

I don't ask for help from men when I'm carrying heavy stuff, I don't need them to open the door for me, to give way for me in the line, to allow me to get in first, and all the other gentlemen stuff. I have never really been a huge fan of those actions because I consider them vanity--steel weights to boost their ego muscles. And I still don't feel like wanting those special treatments, just because I'm a woman and their men. It's weird, I cannot reconcile myself yet to it. 

But the environment I'm in encourages me to take this pride on my gender off and allow them to feel empowered, though of course, I don't think that it's the kind of empowerment they need... ugh, I'm going crazy with all these arguments in my head. Of course, people could just easily say, "If you don't want, then don't ask for it. What's the big deal here?"

The big deal is my design and God's purpose for it. I have been realizing that I haven't been acting along the design that I should be in, that I'm trying to free myself from that position where I should be in. And it's not because God wants to limit me, but because He wants to maximize my life to its fullest. And I could only do that if I obey the Lord, and act accordingly. 

And one more thing that makes it not good for me to be trying to take over men's roles is that it's because of pride. And nothing else. I don't want anyone to think that I'm in need of them, generally. But I do need people around me. When I'm carrying heavy stuff, they're definitely heavy, and I could use a hand. I fail to acknowledge that I am weak and I have my own limitations because I want people to think I am strong enough to take care of myself. Which may be the case, but not the ultimate. People need people. And I guess this, among all the other things in this planet, is part of the mechanisms in our lives' ecosystem. Our interactions are naturally caused by our designs, our need to be part of something because we're incomplete on our own. We were all designed to complement one another, the humans, the animals, the plants, the air, the everything. The physique of this realm is proof that we're interdependent creatures. And so, failure to comply to our own design destructs the natural flow of this system--if not breaking us or the others around us, puts us into a limit. Imagine a duck taking on the role of a lion, it's not gonna work, it's highly inefficient, it's foolish. A single man who lives in a cave and says that he can live on his own breathes in air, drinks water, and eats from the trees around his place--he still continually interacts with the natural system because he cannot provide air, water, and food for himself from his own body. And I guess, that is how we were designed, we cannot do everything for ourselves.

These are words for myself as I am coming into terms with what on earth I am here for, with the design that I have been made of, with the interactions that come along with it. I haven't really moved on or have changed my own responses to men and to the circumstances that link us, but I am learning. And I realized it's fatal to resist my design. I am fooling no one but myself. I am hindering myself from greater things ahead of me. And, I guess that part of the journey is getting to know myself, and embracing the truth for which I exist. 

Phases Faces Paces

Tila ba mga bulong na walang tinig

Mga guni-guning umaaligid

Hindi mawari para saan pa't may alaala

Lumisan nga ngunit yapak ay nariyan pa

Naririnig ang dating kwentuhan

Mga biro at tawa ay palakasan

"Halika't doo'y samahan mo ako"

"Tara," at iiwan ang inuupuang bangko

At kapag ang araw ay nagdaan,

Sa may karinderya'y mag-aayaan

Bibili ng isang platitong ulam

Na siyang paghahati-hatian

Mga wasak na puso'y tila mga sinulid

Na siyang humahatak mula sa kun anumang gawain

"Ang puso ko ay puno ng pighati"

"Tara, at sa tindahan tayo magpalipas ng gabi"

At pupunuin ng mga pangarap ang puso

Aawit at magbibigay ng mga payo

Na minsan ay kalokoha't katatawanan

Madalas nama'y may aral na kapupulutan

At ngayon, ako ay nasa isang silid

Ang oras ay tumatakbo ng walang pasabi

Sa aking gunita, kayo ay namamasyal

Nananatili, naglalaro, at tila hindi lilisan 

2 27 16

Two days to the third of the sixteenth
Way beyond my twenty-first
Almost to the twenty-second

= Wondering why it's all circles
   With me looping all over the same
    Tiring antics of life

= Concluding that ties are the cause
   Of the most exhausting emotions
   In living this existence

= Escaping what's in front of me
   Thinking that I could do better
   Have I been granted wings
   (With the ability to direct the
   way the air blows)

= Breathing in gaps and in depths
  Thrusting my diaphragm for air
   Because I am falling short of it

= Wishing that everything is reversible
   Or convertible at the very best
   That things could be more acceptable

Exponential Epilogues

via

Quite unsure if I should ink my current state
Because then I know I would mark a slate
Leaving another proof of a clenched heart
So broken and confused, so behind and apart

Once I was in a journey of uncertainty
That which destroyed all tranquility
Of a heart so young and full of wonders
That which got stormed and rained with thunders
I resolved, "This shall not be lengthened
Behind, I shall leave it no more opened"
And so, I walked, as if enthusiastic, away
To find myself back there in that same day
Matter I may not ever to you I care not
All I ask is for you to spare me from that slot
I deserve a new day and a year beyond
You deserve a life, free from this mistake's bond

Breathing

So, this year started with me sulking out of reluctance to get back to work and life as usual. It isn't that I don't like my work (because I really do love it), it's just that I don't wanna work, generally speaking. Or, I don't wanna life, in short. There are times when I feel like saying "I am so done with everything" just because... I am. But I know well enough what could bring me back to life--action. That which I don't wanna take up.

But because I am supposedly organizing something, I needed to defy my slacker self and take that leap out of my comfort zone (watching movies and series, reading books, napping). That was just this week that has passed. And because of that, I'm back to life. Excited for it even. And I realized that everything is just a cycle with different decorative moments. You get tired and fired up and tired again and fired up for another moment before getting tired again.

Does life has a solution to its own absurdity? Uh, well, I guess everything starts in the mind. There was this question that keeps popping out of my books (because it's written in a bookmark), that says "What are you living for?", and unless answered, you would live your life demotivated over everything and anything because you don't know where you're headed to.


I know very well what my answer to that is. But is it possible that you can get tired of yourself just because of you wanting to live like the way you want to? It's just that I find myself absolutely weird most times. I have this great great vision that involves not just myself but the entire humanity (yea, I'm that kind of dreamer), and there are times when I find myself just falling apart because of that. Maybe the greatness of my vision sometimes makes me wonder.

But pondering upon things makes me rediscover that these things aren't all mine to begin with. My life, my vision, my time. I should be reminded that I am not living for myself anymore, and when I decided to take leaps of faith that brought me here, I decided to be ready to the pains and numbness that may be brought forth before me. It isn't the absurdity of having a Creator who predetermined all else. It is the beauty of it. Most times, I find the wonderfulness of not being the one who owns everything I have, and just being the steward of it. I am answerable before the Owner, but I can be rescued by Him.

At times when I feel like I am just a moment passing into cycles, I have to remember that cycle as it may seem, this life has its own end--a defining conclusion to everything that has revolved and rotated as I breathed. This life isn't for me anymore. My breathing isn't for me anymore. Never mine in the first place. I was entrusted to handle it, and and it's up to me how I live it. And at the end of it, when the Owner asks me how I lived it, could I look Him in the eye and say, "Well, did I live it."?

September Woke Me Up

The past month has not been exactly jelly and cakes. There have been a lot of things going on, and I feel like I am losing track of myself.

A lot of things about me had been revealed to me. And I don't know how to absorb and reflect on these things when other things are happening with all these realizations. It has just been crazy. And I have to admit that, personally, I am sliding through it. I am back to my wandering tendencies. Ugh that's a disease that I can't get off me. Really.

Some stuff about my life... recently.

1.When I'm at the beginning of whatever I am doing, I can be so hyped, I can even die of busyness. And when I got the hang of it, I just... well, I slowly decline in whatever I am doing.

2. Then, there have been these heart dealings that I have to face. Unresolved issues from deep within that keep on resurfacing at the occurrences of triggers. And just when I thought that I am completely over these worthless and useless feelings, they'll just keep rushing back to me again--making me feel like a complete idiot. I don't like feeling helpless when it comes to controlling my heart from its outbursts, but it turns out that I do feel that way and it hurts my pride to be so immobile from all my um, well, feelings.

3. For once in my life, I seriously want to grow up...

I want to allow something greater than me to allow me to experience that supernatural transformation I can't get from myself. Because try as I may, I cannot.

"You have to start growing as a woman..." someone told me. And yea, precisely, well-said, just the right words. But how? It's something that I have to journey upon.

Being transformed doesn't happen in a click, I know. But I just realized that I am very childish and immature in a lot of ways. Mostly, with how I deal with my life. I just want to take my life seriously from this day onward. 

I am now growing older, and I should grow up! I should make an effort to subject myself under things which I am not comfortable being acquainted with. I should make use of my time wisely. I should make use of my resources wisely. I should make use of my life wisely.

Really.

4. IT IS NOT EASY. I can take challenges very seriously, you know. I can survive through them. I am not afraid of doing things which are difficult (according to human stereotypes). But in my desire to live a life of extremes and adrenaline rushes, I overlooked the basics that I should first deal with. I overlooked going through the easy parts first, that now, it is a challenge for me to go through them. And it's like I'm being pulled back to face them! And IT IS NOT EASY. I find them utterly boring, they kill me to my veins. But I have to face THEM.

5. I have to start loving myself in a deeper and more meaningful way.

I thought that being involved and committed in other people's lives is a way of living it. Giving my time for their consumption, allowing people to just overlook how I feel, allowing people to think that I can take in whatever--that I have a steel heart, just really overlooking myself in a desire to attend to other people's lives.

In my journey with life lately, I have been realizing how much in need of love I am. I forgot that I, too, have a space in my heart which is in need of affirmation and understanding. I've always been used to believing that people can do anything to me and it won't ever affect me, or people can just ignore me and it's completely okay, but lately, I have been realizing how I seek accountability, how much in need of "How are you?s" I am.

It's crazy because I feel like I am bothering people seeking those things, and I want to play smart and all grownup in this matter, but this is something I have to learn yet.

Basically, the past weeks reminded me some of the things that I should know but keep on skipping and forgetting.

I have to start considering the smallest things I do.
 I have to start getting in touch with my heart. 
I have to start being committed to my growth. 
I have to learn how to love myself and how to healthily accept love from others. 
I have to take life slowly, to ponder upon mysteries and discoveries. 
I have to live a life worship even through my weaknesses.

81715

And life has begun.

It is an amazing thing to find yourself rediscovering the woman within you, finding out more of your weaknesses, and how your strengths cover for them. It is an amazing thing to find yourself endlessly wandering the adventures of life. And it feels eternal. It feels boundless. It feels like whatever you're doing in the present will amount to something everlasting.

I am at a hype in my life right now. It is a must to find joy in all that conspires around you, and it is a must to perceive goodness through every little thing. And so, the extent of the beauty I see in my current existence is limitless. I feel like a lot of things could happen. And I know that I will see more things happen.

No, I'm not lying in a bed of roses. Actually, I'm residing at a completely different and completely opposite location. I find my heels always clicking for somewhere, I've found myself restless from thinking and thinking and thinking. All the energy within my system is being allocated somewhere, and sometimes, I feel like I need refill right at the moment I am about to exert more effort. It is not easy, in short.

But I am glad. Because my heart is full of love and joy. I am at peace that wherever I am, I am properly placed. The days will go by, and I will find myself completely drowning from deadlines, plans, and chaos.... but I know I will be fulfilled. My life isn't perfect, but I have the confidence that it will be lived as it should be, as long as I choose beauty and happiness, Love and goodness.

Bliss

Let the clouds shift to another season, and let my life be filled with passion. Let all the things which are storms and gray battle against me as, soon, I'll be over them. Flourish my little life with all your blessings and smiles, and leave me be with peace and rage colliding in my heart. For I have nothing else but the days which are coming, and the ends of an earth revolving.

On the second

The roads just passing through
People hurrying about

The heart splitting in two
Between the city and the town

Skull cracking from the travel
But things are yet to be done

Praying all things be well
As I rested and had fun

Life is unfolding back again
While away the rest is slippin'

I say "Let things just happen,
Bring it on wild, lovely 'Fifteen"

It's real, it's flying!

via

Yesterday I celebrated my 20th year in this beautiful planet. T W E N T Y. Okay, not much of a big deal, except that it starts with the number 2. But it's okay. Really, it is. 

I was listing a "20 things I'd want to happen right now" list yesterday while I was in class. I always write cheesy things like that from time to time and it's funny, these things I want right now. Among the things I wrote was "Get a good job before my next birthday." And I went on to describe what a "good job" is. And then, I paused for a few seconds, looked up to my professor (who had been discussing all about Qualitative Studies in Research) and thought: Right now, I'm wishing that I'd already have a job before my next birthday! A job! (Adult life. Time is just so fast!)

Yep! By that time, hopefully and prayerfully, I'm no more in school and I'm already starting to track the pave stones to life! Ergo, few months from now I'd be even more entitled to explore my wonderful lifescape and plus plus plus. And life will get even more difficult, of course, but it's okay, because it's totally gonna be different and the puzzles of life will be even more complex but it's okay because that's how life should be and that life will remain beautiful, navy, and peach. I. am. so. excited.

Twenty. Sounds like a huge responsibility. I'm nearer to who I was designed to be, and there are gonna be more misses and hits but it's gonna be adventurous and that's how it is for all. I am excited. Right now, the things I do make even more sense. I mean they all had sense, but I see them from a twenty-year-old-girl eyes now (allowing it to sink in may not be too hard haha). The perspective started to be long-term. I will strive not for dreams that are just 2 meters away but for aspirations that are two earths away.

I will study more diligently not just to graduate from a degree but because I want to build a life after college. 
I will get into a healthier diet because my tomorrow self will thank me for that.
I will love people not just because I am inclined to do so but because affection and embraces are vital for me to keep going.
I will read more books to know the visions of the yesterdays and to understand the dreams of the future.
I will live in the present because my life is being designed to be even greater.
I will dream not just because that's all I can do but because that's where I'll get to.
I will keep falling for Him because that's all that will matter when the roads get rockier, when the oceans get deeper and when the mountains get steeper.

Yeaaa! :) More adventures to learn on wearing skirts! :) Happy 20th year to the dreamy me!

A Note to the Restless

Dear Me, 

You are feeling excited for the things yet to come. I know that there's some kind of a craving deep within your soul. You want to see more of the world. You want to see more of the oceans. You want to drown and come out alive. 

You want to read more thoughts--thoughts from all these interesting people. You want to read all these ideas from the dead. You want to see the world that once was. You want to unravel the mysteries that will never unfold. 

You want to keep your feet busy. You want to hit the road. You want to hit the skies. You want to witness a series of sunsets and sunrises in front of your very eyes. You want to watch the world while you're moving. 

You want a lot of things. You want to smell the mixture of the sun and the rain. You want to feel midnight and high noon. You want to feel the sand melt with saltwater right under your body. 

Your dreams melt your pain. You forget the pain that has been lingering around your heart. You start to forget the uncertainties that wrapped your thoughts. You now want to break free. You are in awe of reaching the distant. 

And you just can't wait. You just can't breathe. You want it now. But you want it for later. You want to go now. But you are waiting for the right timing.

I tell you, despite all your longings and cravings, be still. 

Be still, my dear. Be still.

The pace is perfect. 

The road has been prepared. 

Be still while you're restless. 

Love, You.

Seven Twenty-Eight

It's the last Monday of our "summer" vacation. We're counting days to the first semester of the new academic year.

Today is just as ordinary as it can get. Everything's well, quite normal. I went somewhere, it was just a short trip. Took few hours and I was back home already.

Anyway

On the way home, I passed by the place where I went to high school. I saw the high school students of this generation. It was nice looking at them. They were basking in the uncertainties of childhood and growing up. I could laugh at them, and tell them, "You think this is it? You think this is most of life already? Think again." Ha ha now that makes me sound like I haven't reached satisfaction and joy in this young life (which isn't the case at all). But, I would've loved it when someone told me that then (or not). There I was, thinking I've already grasped most of what's in it in life, only to find out years later, that I'd have to reset all that I believed in about people and all that I believed in about myself. Okay, not all, but most.

I can only imagine them trying to open different boxes, trying to look for who they are. I can just imagine them trying to search if there could be a someday further than their "today", a somewhere wider than their "here", and a someone far greater than who they are right now.

Then my thoughts about them stopped, the ride sped up and away. Maybe, I was just exaggerating my thoughts. What with this self-claimed poetic soul, trying to look into other people's thoughts ha ha ha, maybe I was just overthinking about them. They'll find the way through. Everyone does. Or I hope they will.

Other than that, the day went on. The way it usually does.

Just like any other afternoons.

Full of thoughts. Full of wondering. Full of uncertainties. Full of faith-stretching questions.

C'est la vie

You feel excited, exhilarated, something awesome is gonna happen! Everything is still categorized under "Uncertainty" but you believed in yourself it's gonna happen!

You start thinking what you could do when it happens. I mean, you just can't wait. You feel it in your veins. It's there, causing your blood to boil... it's gonna happen, this is gonna be it.

You just can't contain your joy, you know in your heart it should happen...

Seconds, minutes, hours ticked by...

You're waiting... expectantly. With gleeful anticipation. With your heart racing like it's going to fall out of beat.

Another set of seconds, minutes and hours ticked by...

You're still waiting... expectantly. With confused anticipation. With your heart racing faster than before.

Another set of seconds, minutes and hours ticked by...

You're waiting. Without any anticipation anymore. Your heart racing like it's never done before.

The last set of seconds, minutes and hours ticked by...

You're still there. Staring out into the empty space. All your hopes dried out.

It didn't happen.

You waited...

...for nothing.

You realize you've been wrong... you just got ahead of yourself and matters.

Your expectations are way too different from reality. Such are your shattered hopes.

You shoved it off and say, "That's life!". You said it until you believe you believed it.

I like wearing black

I like wearing black. Because it's a color comfortable to be in, at least for me. I like being comfortable. I like writing because I'm comfortable with it. I like reading because it makes me relax. I like sleeping, because, of course, duh. BUT

we weren't meant to be comfortable. Life is not a comfy bed. It has thorns and thistles, BUT you must lie on it, because you have no other options, but to be on it. It is never easy. Yes, the comfort zone is not a good place to be. Sometimes, we have to fly (or learn how to do it) even if we are afraid of heights. Most of the times, we have to run wearing killer heels. Uh huh. But I don't mean it literally, it might end your race in a minute if you really run in killer heels. Ha ha!

WHY? Because it is the nature of life. We wouldn't learn if we JUST sit/lie on the bed, browse our FB notifs, be nosy on the FB news feeds, tweet, retweet, google our favorite music icons/actor/actresses and their upcoming shows, or watch their shows online, go to Blogspot.com and create a blog and stare at it for 30 minutes because you don't know what to title it, and then, write a new post saying things like these... I meant JUST. We have to do something more. What's that? (Only you know) If these are all we do during our spare time! (O M. I have to be telling myself these things.)

WHY shouldn't we do only these things? Because it will make us fat, especially if doing these things involve eating. I meant all these figuratively, of course.

Hmm... I better sign out, (because I have to meet my sister after her university entrance exam) and take a bath, and? I guess I have to wear something fancy today.

Life (sigh)

Life. We always sigh this word whenever we feel like sighing. It's as if we blame it all on this 4-letter word. L-I-F-E. But is it Life's fault? Or is it the people holding Life? Are we the ones holding Life? Or we and the Life are one? I mean... ugh! Okay. Right now, I am so confused. Too confused, I say, there're so much questions and finding the answer is, like, it is so hard. Jesus Christ made a way for me to understand His will, right? He made it possible for me to understand that whatever is going on, He is with me, and He is the only answer! And, of course, I believe in that. That is among all the many things about Christ that gives me comfort. It's just that sometimes, it really is so hard to find God's will in my life. I try to understand what He really wants me to do. Why? Because I want to obey Him. I wanna do something that would bring Him honor and praise. I wanna glorify Him with what I do, that's why, in whatever I do, I seek Him.

That's why, Lord, right now, You know what I am going through. You know the questions lingering in my mind. In Your presence, I know, there is the answer. Despite my cluelessness, I trust in You. I have faith in You. With that, I believe, everything will turn out right. I entrust to You "these" things now. I believe You have the answer. I know... You will never fail me. Thank You, Jesus. -Your daughter :)

A While Ago

Good thing I had the opportunity to start out a new blog. Well, I've had all my past blogs (at least those which passwords I can still recall) deleted, and started anew. I dunno what I really wanna see happen with all these 'start anew' but I hope to blog more regularly (as my "busy" sched hardly permits me to) is [among] the meaning/s of this new blog.

So, let us see...

A while ago, well, it wasn't really a good time for me, you know (whoever you is). Something (let's call it the situation) happened, well, something's been said and shown, and I was a bit disappointed. Disappointed with people, probably, but most of all with myself (with all honesty). I feel like I lack what I should have. I feel like I am incapable at most times, that I can do something but I can hardly be best of it. This situation really made me feel bad and I could hardly stop my  tears from coming even in front of my friends.

I know I couldn't live and leave with these feelings in my chest bursting inward, and so, I have to face these.

Life isn't really a matter of what we can do but what we do with these things we can do. I have learned in the bus journey that I've just been (coupla hours ago), that the journey is swift, but along the road you will encounter and meet a lot of things, and you can only get to the goal if you defy your weaknesses and let live your faith in yourself and in God, not allowing the burdens & the pressures of the society pull you down, instead making them your catapults to your pedestal.

I realized, blogging is one of my many ways to keep myself learning and improving. I will be able to freely express myself, and probably (I mean PROBABLY), I might be a help to others [cough]. He he he.

Such a long first blog! Well, happy first blog to me! God bless you! :)

-S