2 27 16

Two days to the third of the sixteenth
Way beyond my twenty-first
Almost to the twenty-second

= Wondering why it's all circles
   With me looping all over the same
    Tiring antics of life

= Concluding that ties are the cause
   Of the most exhausting emotions
   In living this existence

= Escaping what's in front of me
   Thinking that I could do better
   Have I been granted wings
   (With the ability to direct the
   way the air blows)

= Breathing in gaps and in depths
  Thrusting my diaphragm for air
   Because I am falling short of it

= Wishing that everything is reversible
   Or convertible at the very best
   That things could be more acceptable

Fifteenth of the Second of the Sixteenth

tonight
as the new day is being given birth to
that which had never been yet
I want to savour the melancholy of the dark
to get hazy with music
and to watch the night die down
and wait the morning arising
to be in words
to be the words
and to feel beauty
in being nothing
to love the conjunctions of time
those which are unnoticed but exist
the wee hours passing
later
the day will have been completed
and this moment forgotten
but at least I had it 
and I have been part of its moving stillness

Why Being Single Doesn't Bother Me (Not That Anyone's Asking)

Looking at the world... and the people taking selfies.

I hit my 21st year of existence a few months ago, I just graduated from college (and from an entire life of studying) also a few months ago, I have officially arrived at the stage of adulthood, and I am single--have been, since birth. Congratulations to me, I've reached that stage in life where I am independent and on my own! And celebrating it this Vday. Normally, Valentine's Day would just pass with me having friends around or me not even realizing it is over. Today, I am all by myself, and am conscious of it. And for the past days, as the world has been preparing for this big big day! hooray!, I had one of those few moments when I tried to reflect on singlehood.

In the past, it's always me being amazed at myself on how I managed to live a life not getting affection in that manner. But today, or at this moment in my life, I am sincerely grateful I am single. Seriously. And though there are lotsa posts about the perks of being single and how to enjoy the single life that I could have just reblogged, I want to write about my personal joys on being single.

1. I am completely on my own.
 
When deciding upon matters, I don't have to depend on anyone or to wait for someone's approval just so I could do it. I mean, I know that other couples give each other the freedom to do whatever in the world they want to do separately, but I find it a comforting feeling to realize I don't have to inform anyone (of course, my mom is forever the first audience to my decisions) that I'm gonna be out there and do something. It feels really good. I mean it's really definitely sweet to have someone committed to taking care of you, but at this age, I am enjoying the freedom I have been born with.

2. I don't have another person to consider when making decisions or going anywhere.

Yea, enjoying this decision-making spree. But what I mean this time is that I don't have to think if I'm gonna hurt someone or I don't have to consider how I could spend time with the supposedly-(but non-existent)-special someone. I think that context I am coming from here is the fact that my "job" has this description of being always on-the-go. And it's a lesser hassle having nobody else to be far from, another person to say goodbye to everytime I have to go, another person to go back to (awww, that last one is definitely making an appeal contrary to the theme of this post), etc.

3. No other person to argue with

Life is enough with all these hassles and tangles, and stuff. I mean I don't feel bad about it all, it's completely and acceptably inevitable. But it's really a great relief not having anyone else in that tangle. Imagine: it's more than enough facing disappointments relative to loved ones and career and everything else, and adding just one more person to involve in the craze! Well, it sounds negative here, but it is apparent, and I am not gonna lie that I am not ready to have anyone else in yet. I mean, I'm not ready to put up with another person, to roll eyes to another one, to have to defend myself to another, to have to listen to his own defenses... I mean, AT THIS TIME. Especially that this stage is the figuring-out stage for me. I haven't figured myself out completely yet, I mean enough to have to figure out someone else already. So, it is a safe time for me and the guy about to come not to meet yet.

4.  Figuring myself out is way easier.

Connected to my earlier point, I am figuring out a lot of things about me lately. I have been going on in this getting-to-know-me stage, and it can be really painful and fun at the same time (but more of in the painful side). I feel like I am being groomed to become a woman. It is a good thing to find out how I can be comfortable in being with myself. I don't have to rely to a significant other and find my identity in him. This is high time for me to enjoy what I'm made of, and even to discover those things about me that haven't been revealed to me yet. It's a crazy ride, and it's good I'm doing it solo. Really.

5. Time is all mine.

It may seem but a selfish thing to be so glad about having it all (decisions, life, time) mine. But it is even more selfish to have to include someone else when you cannot be all out in giving everything yet. See? I can read books, watch movies/series, write, meet with friends, opt to ignore messages, explore life, etc (I think this is the basis for most of the Enjoy Single Life articles and blog posts), without having to think of failing to attend to my commitment with that love of mine. And it is a lovely thing to be comfortable on being on your own. And just the thought of it makes me want to hooray with an "I can live on my own, like this forever" drama.


Basically,  I am grateful because I am not in a relationship while I am not ready yet. And it's a good thing. I think that it is something that single women should rejoice upon. That they're not given the load they're not up for yet. Sometimes I think that girls who are desperate to be in a romantic relationship are those girls who shouldn't be in it yet. Or even guys. Thinking that having someone show you affection is what can satisfy you might prove that you have to learn how to comfortable with yourself first. And so, enjoy. It is not an easy task evolving into a more matured human, and so, as the days are still ripe: enjoy, seize the moments, and get the most out of life.

PS
May you experience grace and love of Christ that surpasses anything anyone else could give you! Happy hearts day! Enjoy Love.

02 10 16

I hope I would be more gathered, or more chaotic--located somewhere compelling me to ache for expression. I hope there would be more words, or a greater passion for more words. It has been my desire to create and in creating, inspire. But the flesh has devoured the best of me. I'm being trampled down by complacency, to go as the flow leads me on, to forget the fire to stand for the things I love doing. I'm asking myself to let some things dear to me go. I have been rude and unfair, denying myself from comfort that brings me closest to my Foremost. The world has been piling my blanks up with thoughts of what I must be occupying myself with, gradually losing my amour for things that blow me away. I hope I could do away with the pseudo-comforts which are of no utility to mine soul. I hope I would dare myself for something more. I hope I would live to see my hopes in reality.