Lizzy and I

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Pride and Prejudice was written ages ago (200 years ago this year), but it is not surprising to see a lot of Lizzy Bennets still walking around-- waiting for their Darcys. Well, the sad thing is the number of Darcys cannot compensate for the number of Lizzys waiting. This just breaks my heart. Are all the girls blessed to meet their own Mr. Darcy? Or did our beloved Miss Austen just wrote Pride and Prejudice to console us that "if in reality it won't happen, then, let's just at least make it possible in our heads"? Ha. I love Jane Austen, but... this is truly heartbreaking.

Other people would say, "Oh, I love Lizzy Bennet! I would model myself after her." This makes me giggle. Who would want to be Lizzy if they aren't assured they'll ever meet Mr. Darcy? Well, for me, the case is different, I say: Oh my, I am so like Elizabeth Bennet.

Elizabeth Bennet
-loves reading books
-loves horror and gory novels
-speaks her mind without thinking twice/straightforward
-full of prejudice
-had no boyfriend since birth (until flirtation with Wickham, I guess or until Darcy)
-pretty but not a perfect beauty (but her personality is what makes people love her)
-has fine eyes
-loves running and walking
-of the lower class
-quick-witted
-romantic
-her body shape is not in perfect symmetry
-not as ladylike as Jane and not as flirty as Lydia
-waiting for Mr. Right (I'd characterize Liz as this, with her ideals on marriage and love life. Well, this is among her downfalls though, at least for her mother. Apparently, she won't marry the one she doesn't love)

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Me

-loves reading books
-loves horror and gory novels  (limited to dark reads)
-speaks mind without thinking twice
-full of prejudice!!!
-has no boyfriend since birth
-not-so-pretty (mehehehe)
-has expressive eyes (they say)
-runs anywhere (uncontrollable)
-average social class (or lower than average)
-quick-witted (foolish on most occassions)
-eeeerrromantic
-ha! uhm, chubby
-not ladylike, but wise enough to preserve self-control (#1 reason I bet on why I'm still single)
-waiting for Mr. Right (who is he? how is he like? for this matter, I'll call him the God-given man)

Errrr, I'm actually finding this little game of mine ridiculous. Why should I compare myself to Lizzy, in the first place? Huuuh, just can't stop myself. Of course, I'd want myself to be almost the same as my favorite heroine, but, I don't wanna go on imitating her or pretending to be like her, it just so happened I got some qualities of hers, and I know almost all the girls 'round the world have some of her qualities, too.

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Apparently, I am looking for a Mr. D!!!

The guy (Mr. Darcy-the-likes):
-a guy who would ask me for a dance (because he likes me and not because he just wants to play or flirt around)
-someone who'd write me a letter instead of sending foolish text msgs
-that guy who'd wait for the right timing, long enough for him to understand that his feelings are genuine so I won't be hurt
-smart enough
-secretly observes me from a distance (ha! but not in a creepy manner)
-loving and sincere

(I wouldn't really vote for the physical appearances of a guy, or the material stuff he has [though this is something that should be well-considered, just saying it is negotiable hehe], I would love a guy who could love me with all he is, and a guy whom I could love back-- of course, the feelings must be mutual!)

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So, I did it again! :( another dramatic/romantic post
the ever classic romantic me, S.

Veiled thoughts

These are among my bleak days
When all I wanna do is gaze
Confused of the things around
Judgment is low and unsound

For another moment in my life
I stabbed myself again with a knife
Seems like I never learn
Failed fulfilling what I've sworn

What is my life to you?
Do you notice what I do?
Am I another shadow behind
That one which you'll never find

Questioning myself again and again
To find someone who loves me, when?
Someone who'll make me pink and blue,
Where the heavens are you?

Trapped in another wrong world
Where my heart feels cold
This time, I need speedy rescue
Can't you rush here, won't you?

This is another bad poem I made
Writing things repeatedly said
Trying to put drama into a word
Burying words in the cemetery of Unheard

And here the backseat girl wrote
Things you might have never thought
Don't mind my presence by you
Ha you won't really mind me, will you?

Oh yea, drama. I can't seem to get enough of it. This is just another record of the funny feelings I wanna blurt out. High schoolish in every sense, yes. Used words I use when writing poems for my high school crush. I wish I could express myself better right now, but these are all I got. I think words have defeated me, and who knows what else will make me feel gloomy?

8

I'll call this day "8".
It's the 2920th day after.

For this year, I've opted to be melancholic for 8.

So much has happened.

I only grieved for 8 more or less 365 days after.

And then, hours will pass...

Time doesn't make me forget.
The length and distance from the memory doesn't make me forget.
Every year, everyday, the memory becomes more and more engraved.
As time passes, it becomes more clear...

I wonder if after it surpassed "realness", would it turn into a blur?

I admire

I admire distance & space
     The idea that two people still know each other even from a distance, even when there's space

I admire memory
     How it works to remind us, how it sees what we forget, how it keeps gems and diamonds

I admire heights
     The will of people to defy it, the will of people to break odds and make things small

I admire life
     How it enables someone to write, how it provides sense to everything rotten & rusty, how it wills people to go on

I admire eyes
     How it becomes a tunnel to perceive nature
     I admire how it makes you understand that which is far and farther and beyond
     I admire how everything becomes real when you open it.

I admire thoughts
     How it gives everything that has come, that comes, that is to come meaning.
     I admire how it colors that which is pale

I admire miracles
     The reason why hope is never in vain, the reason why everything one does is assured to have a tomorrow

I admire growth
     How everything never stays they same as they once were, how everything changes, how a little bird learns to fly up high

I admire steps
     How one will never stay where they are, the very season why all else is just momentary, why there is a far and a near

I admire first times
     The instances for discoveries, and new things

I admire love
     How and why it is pink and blue

I admire God
     The reason why all these things are here and true 

Paper-and-Pen-Person

If I tell people these days that I was once an introvert (and somehow, I still am), they would barely believe me. But the truth is I was (or I am). Anyway, as an introvert, I have always found writing is the most beautiful escape.

I started crafting stories ever since I can remember. But I didn't craft stories to lie, I mean I wrote stuff out of my imagination. Yes, that awesome kid I once was. Oh, I think that the younger me was way craftier and way more imaginative. Actually, it was until I was in third year or fourth year high school? I was always in ecstasy for words in my head to be said. There has always been something to say. Words had always been present. I never ran out of them. I actually consider my hands to have its own brain, because once my pen started, it won't stop, and it just won't stop, it writes things I didn't think I was thinking.

BUT there is a but, there is a secret. The poems I wrote, the stories I started writing, my creations--they were for my eyes only. I was always the best of my writer side when I am within the walls of my own world. When I write, say for a contest, I "stutter" (if there's such a thing in writing). The worst I've written so far were my contest pieces. Haha. High school stuff though. When I read my past creations, I can't believe I made them, I mean I think I don't remember being so sentimental and so... romantic. Haha. I don't say I have award-winning closet pieces, I am just saying that they're the best of me, haha and they may be trash for others but my younger artsy is a treasure in my memory, no matter how other people may view them.

Anyway, the art walls I have been building sort of postponed its construction when I entered college, and when I've got so into the internet. Before, I didn't even care about the stuff in the world wide web. When our teachers would ask our hobbies and my classmates would say "surfin' the net", I know I got only one phrase practiced as response "reading and writing". But because these things around me eat my time and my attention, I slowly drifted away from my passion, I slowly drifted away from words.

I write, yes, but when I find time to.

But the writing workshop I attended woke my hibernated passion up. The workshop was like telling me "Hey, you have always loved words. Come on, write." Haha.

I loved the idea that we writers are writing to voice out our voice! To give people a window's view through our eyes, to show something and not just to tell! :) 

These are among the things that I've learned from the workshop. The speaker (Rei Crizaldo) also said that if we were born writers, when we write, we are at a closest possible space we could be with God. And that goes for those who were born dancers when they dance, singers when they sing, speakers when they speak, etc etc. And I'd like to believe that I was born a writer (sige, iassume na lang), and that the fountain of words flowing through my hands are purely unstoppable!

As an action point for this, I'd like to truly take writing as a profession, that I'd find a non-negotiable time for it everyday. That I write what I want to say, and that I won't write just because I need to say something. I will write because the words are outflows of the exceeding emotions in my heart. Oh yeah. I am gonna take this seriously, you bet. 

I just wanna quote these lovely words by Sylvia Plath:

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Live your passion and be glad with life! :)

Connected

Digital.

A while ago, I attended a writing workshop hosted by Connected Generation (of FEBC Phils.) in partnership with the Philippine-CCC at the Student Center, Katipunan. Kuya Rei Crizaldo, author of the book Connected Ka Ba? was the speaker for the workshop. The workshop focused on "writing" and writing online materials that may be used in connecting people to Jesus in a not-so-preachy way--according to the trend, penetrating where most of the youth hang out these days: the internet.

A few weeks ago, I also became involved in the Digital Strategy ministry of CCC, for which we are looking for ways to evangelize and disciple students in campuses with no existing movements yet using digital stuff. I was challenged to be a part of it during the Student Congress 2013. Oh why, ain't I so excited about it? Praise God 'cause it's possible to lead people to Christ even through online communication.

Everything digital.

And, I decided that the workshop a while ago is a very helpful strategy for us who are involved in the digital strategy, and who are in love with writing and God at the same time.

Writing thoughts. Winning souls. Is it possible to put these two different actions into one to initiate something revolutionary? Well, as far as I know we're already starting it. And not just that, we are going to do it the digital way. Apparently, God is omnipresent, not just in our homes, churches, campuses, not just in the nations worldwide, not just in physical places where we could step on; God is present even in the virtual world. I mean I just said God is omnipresent (present EVERYWHERE AT THE SAME TIME). I praise God for His goodness that He is giving us the wisdom to make use of the shifting trends as ways to connect Him to people! :)

There had been an opportunity for us, too, to become bloggers and writers for FEBC's website: RightNow. While PCCC, on the other hand, is already starting to develop an online platform for discipleship and evangelism.

The digital way may also be a good response to the Great Commission, where we Christians are being commanded to "Go and make disciples of all nations...". Because nothing is impossible for Him.

To fellow Christians out there, those who are radical in sharing a love unfailing, and those who are passionate about Christ, and those who happen to be always "connected" online, here's an awesome chance to share the Source of it all, the Saviour, Redeemer, the Glorious King. You may not know it yet, but God may be crafting you to share His Word to all nations, and the digital strategies may be the ones fit in your hands. :) Come, join usssss!