This morning, I was digging stuff on Youtube, and I came across an Air1 interview with Jon Foreman (Switchfoot's frontman). This was held last January 2014, while Switchfoot was on tour promoting their latest album, Fading West.
I can't help but post this video on my page, because the interview was so beautiful, it actually hits/targets the fourth-quadrant-people. In this interview, Jon talked about questions nonbelievers ask, and questions lingering in Christians' heads.
By the way, Swtichfoot is an American alt rock band. The members of the band are Christians but they are not a Christian band (see here), thus they commercially target the secular market.
"Where is God in the genocide?" (his thoughts when he wrote the song Vice Verses) "I can be filled with horrible thoughts in the very center of church or conversely, I can be in the mind of Christ in a really dark place..." "The church can be the most dangerous place for Christians, because we can be so insulated, incubated, we forget about the suffering..." "The moment you ask yourself 'Why am I here?', 'Is there God, is He real?', then that's the moment you drive yourself to discovery." "There are surfers chasing waves... but what if we made a movie about surfers chasing songs not just waves" on their movie, Fading West.
Switchfoot is a classic favorite of mine. Usually, Jon tackles the interior of a Christian's life in most of his writings. He also writes about people who are confused and who are trying to find meaning in life. He exposes what other Christians try to cover. I love that I could say "this song is my life" on most of their tracks.
I planned to go home early today. No staying a little later than I was expected to. These past few days, I've been staying later than 6:00 PM, our dismissal time, in our office. This is my third week being an intern. I am agitated to get it over with. This afternoon, I eyed for things to be done at once so I can leave the time I should.
My boss came back from outside the office. "It's raining outside. Will you guys be okay?" It was 5:31 PM. Will you be okay? Is that even a question? I need to go home at this hour, I thought a while ago.
I was polishing my work. I should be over with these. It's raining outside, and even if I'm within the walls of the company, I felt like I can feel the chills from the rain seeping through. I shouldn't miss the midsummer rain, I thought. People thought I was hurrying to get home because I was trying to avoid traffic or heavy rains. No. I was trying to catch something. I was trying to catch the rain. I was excited to witness the heavy drops pour from the skies.
I was done packing up by 5:42 PM. I became conscious of myself. I don't think it looks good to go home earlier but, I needed to go out.
Then I bid goodbye by 5:48 PM
I opened the glass doors, and went out smiling to and with myself. The rain was pouring heavily. It was lavishly showering the thirsty green creatures that have been getting too much attention from the sun lately. I love rains. I love the drowsy feeling it has. It is a remarkable season for joy, sorrow, fear, passion, art and anything else around the hem. I love how it makes me wanna be happy and sad at the same time. I love how beautiful it feels when it's raining and you're sleeping or reading or writing. I walked along the bricked and tiled floors of the outdoor halls, smiling and excited while fumbling for my umbrella. Had I not been tired I would have given myself in to that pouring rain! But I was still sane to manage to shield myself from the furious raindrops. I put my headphones on and played indie folk music. It was a dreamy, blurry walk. I walked along UP Technohub's center, where the fountains are found. The fountain was off that time. The rain water is increasing, its height reached the ankles of my sneakers. I was so happy, I felt like I could dance under the pouring skies.
I rode the FX to Lacson Street. I was satisfied. It was cold. I was listening to good music. And I opened my Kindle reader, and clicked to where I was reading. That journey could go on forever. I sometimes look up to catch glimpses of the rain outside. The droplets make the van's window look cracked. This really could go on forever. The rain eventually stopped. It was a beautiful few minutes of my life. It just rained. But no, it will not rain just yet. The rain is back. The seasons are changing. Again. I can't wait to start another season of my life again.
Concrete Girl (from the album New Way to be Human) is a song written and performed by the American band Switchfoot, which is also a super-favorite band of mine (because I love their music and the poetic atmosphere in their songs). Most of the time, for a morning jumpstarter from my playlist, I play Switchfoot's groovy songs (e.g. Awakening, You Already Take Me There).
Anyway
This is the first time I'm gonna feature something like this on my blog just because
Last night or yesterafternoon, I was in the office (the site of my internship) and I was reprimanded. I cried in front of my boss. For (more or less) 30 minutes. And I don't understand why. Why was I doing that? I'm a total failure, I thought... while crying... and I cried even more. I was so fragile, I could be broken even more than I was already broken. From pieces to more pieces.
I was sorry I did cry. My boss really was sorry. She said she was, she even texted me last night. That makes things feel even more miserable. I made someone feel bad about herself. And while I was thinking that while I was crying in front of her while she's saying sorry to me, I cried even more.
And then I rode the fx to home. Along the way, I put on my headphones and listened to music. Concrete Girl of Switchfoot played first. Here's how it goes:
Bleeding thoughts
Cracking boulder
Don't fall over
Fake your laughter
Burn the tear
Sing it louder
Twist and shout
Way up here
We stand on shoulders
Growing colder
Laugh or cry
I won't mind
Sing it louder
Twist and shout
Immovable shadows
The concrete girl
They'll rock your world to nothing
And they're swimming around again, again
And they're swimming around
The concrete girl
Catch your breath like four-leaf clover
Hand it over
Scream to no one
Take your time
Sing it louder
Twist and shout
Nothing to run from is worse than something
And all your fears of nothing
And they're swimming around again, again
And they're swimming around
The concrete girl
Concrete girl don't fall down
In this broken world around you
Concrete girl don't fall down
Don't fall down my concrete girl
Don't stop thinking
Don't stop feeling now
One step away from where we were
And one step back to nothing
And we're standing on top of our hopes and fears
And we're fighting for words now concrete girl
And we're swimming around again, again
And we're swimming around now
Concrete girl
(lyrics via azlyrics.com)
Then, what did I do while listening to this song, aside from hitting the "repeat current song" in the settings? I cried even more, yea, but, I reflected just like how heroines in movies do. I looked out the window and watched the fast-paced world, this concrete world. I watched the city lights. I watched the people. I tried to see where I am in this sea of people. I am drowned in this sea of people, but someone's telling me to not fall down in this broken world around me. I was like oh, Switchfoot, thank you so much!
It was like God was playing the song to me. It was like He was holding my hand, telling me, don't fall down.
When you say something's concrete, it is something made of hard material. For me, when the surface of something is concrete, it serves to protect something that's fragile within it. I've always believed that I was strong and that no one could make me falter aside from myself. I can do things myself, I can cry on my own and stand up on my own. With what has happened, I feel like I failed myself. I don't know if I failed my mask or if my mask failed me. (I need to put on a different mask). I cried and let someone see that I am so broken. Of course, what they see is that I was crying because I was scolded. No, they're wrong. My boss didn't have to say sorry.
I was crying because I was so broken. I'm afraid for myself. I'm afraid to end up miserable forever in the same type of job or career. I'm afraid that my dreams wouldn't come true. I'm afraid about everything that hasn't happened yet. I was a total failure. I chose the monetary benefits over what could probably make me happy (because I earn allowance in my internship). I've always promised myself that I would never let myself choose high profits over my dreams but
And I broke down. The concrete girl I thought I was shattered because I hit concrete ground. When a weaker concrete hits another concrete, she gets broken. I was so embarrassed for crying because it felt like I bared myself in front of everyone, showing what I've always learned to hide. I prefer crying behind doors than in front of everyone's eyes.
Switchfoot is right. I shouldn't fall down. The world is already broken! Why add myself there. I could never accept that I am fragile, because I think that that's for beautiful women with delicate skin only, women of my type has no other option but to be strong. I don't want to be fragile because that's for heroines of cliche storylines only. But anyway, I am fragile so that makes me a heroine. So, I need to allow God to rebuild me. I need to allow the Lord to be my concrete walls which will never break down.
Thanks, Switchfoot for this music.
Concrete girls out there, don't fall down in this broken world around you. X
