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Monday.
In a cafe somewhere in the city.
Thinking and juggling thoughts in the head.
Trying to squeeze colors out of the heart.
Feeling sickly with all these nasal fluids spontaneously finding their way out.
Lately, it feels like I'm stuck in the dusk. It feels like the day is always about to end and to transition to another day. I feel my heart running after the things I want to keep and hold still. I feel my hands trying to grasp after the things quickly fading. With all the things my being tries to comprehend, I am quite uncertain which will remain and last. There's some amount of tentativeness in all that there is. And although I want to keep what keeps my heart glad, there is an option to let go and let free the things I try so hard to store within.
Growing up has been doing a fine job pruning and sharpening me-- the complex pains and accumulating struggles, the incomprehensible joys and satisfaction on the simple things, all these things lead me to my becoming.
As I thrive on, I get to know more of my longings. I get to see the gaps that need filling in. There's always something. All the someones I meet along the way are pieces that get accounted in my totality. Everyday I become more of who I have always been designed to be.
Aspiring and dreaming have been the default. And somehow hoping and believing are the consolation and the comfort I'm still trying to find myself in.
