To my friends

Hello and farewell

May play this as you read this:

It's been a long four-year journey with you. And I hope that saying goodbye won't totally mean goodbye.

I'm very happy that I met you. I'm very glad that you've all been a part of this little crazy college life o'mine. I've no regrets on the decisions I made (eg shifting courses, etc). If I were to go back to the time when I confirmed my enrollment in UPDEPP until today, I'd rather have nothing changed. I'd still go to the same course. I'd still read that plain dormitory advertisement (that's been vandalized with negative comments) posted on the wall, so the landlady would see me inquiring and ask me to join into that brood of growing up ladies. I'd still choose the same bed. I'd still choose the same seat I sat on during the first day. I think I'd still opt to fail the subjects I failed. I would never wish for anything to change.

I'm thankful for the journey. I enjoyed the detours, I enjoyed the roads, I enjoyed the laughter and the songs we sang. I'm grateful for the tears I shed with/because of/for you--they taught me so much. College life has been extra wonderful and exciting because of you. You were all once mysteries to me (and sometimes you still are). Ngayon, I can say that I know most of you already. I can say that I was able to share your lives. And it's truly amazing how this bond with you all happened.

I must say that I enjoyed growing up with you. Mukhang maikli ang four years para sa pagbabago at pagtanda, but from what we all have experienced, four years has been  long enough for us to grow up and discover lotsa things about ourselves, to prep us all up for the "real thing" after our childhood wanderings (syempre, in my case, I have yet another year to get over with). I can proudly say that I grew up with you all, and you are all beautiful pieces of this short life of mine.

I congratulate you all! I won't beg you to remember all this and to stay the same, du'n pa lang sa time na magkakasama tayo we have proven na that nothing remains the same, actually what I pray for is that you continually learn life and from life. Don't let yourself be stationary. Walk until you arrived beyond what you have dreamt of. There are so many things worth laughing and smiling for in this life, so remember to always find joy and beauty in everything. Always expand your horizons. If you may look back, remember things as if they're treasures, however heartbreaking they may have been unto you.

It's been a long journey, and I betcha it's gonna be a longer one after this, so, live it to the fullest, and may you experience the most out of it, and I pray that through it all, may God always be with you.

That Man

I won't claim I'm your cool girl who doesn't find special days special at all. Everytime there's a special occasion, I reminisce, remember, recap things related (and sometimes almost unrelated) to the event. Like today, it's Daddy's 52nd birthday. 

I wonder if we're supposed to celebrate birthdays of people who've already left. Because they're not growing older than where they've stopped anymore. They'll remain that age, right?

People say that in death, the memory of someone fades. I'm afraid that might happen. There are just so many things in this life that are very difficult for me to let go. And I'm afraid to let things go.

Years have already gone. I am so much more different now. Things have become very complicated in my life already. And then, I'd think how my Dad would stand by me. I'd try to imagine if I would be the me I am, if my dad were still here.

Daddy hated it when I had a crush before, he doesn't want us to focus on stuff like that. Well, it was when I was in 6th grade, I was 11 then. I don't know if he'd help me how to figure guys out now that I'm already 19 and still single, never-been-courted, and stuff synonymous. I don't know how it's gonna be like to fall in love and get brokenhearted under the supervision of a dad.

Anyway, these are just thoughts now. 

Sometimes, I mean most of the times, I cry deep inside my heart for my loss. I don't cry for the memories, sometimes, I find myself crying for the things that could have been. I wonder how that's even possible-- to cry for something that's never happened, but people always do that, eh?

Dear Dad,

Please don't fade from our hearts. Happy supposedly-52nd-birthday!