As it goes by...

I would have written in riddles, in a form no one would understand. But somehow, I'm in the mood to be transparent (without really revealing much), and to not get into metaphors.

Life has been a little too swift as the year started. I don't know, it's not that I'm a slow person. I guess that if I would've wanted to, I could have got along well with the pace I'm with, but nah. There are just a lot of things happening, and the "fun" thing is that there are more things going on in my head: things to be thought over, things to deal with, things to live with, and stuff. And there's this tendency to just drift into the flow and just not think about anything and just get by it. The problem with this tendency though is as attractive as it may be, I don't have it. It's always a wishful thinking for me to want to just go with the flow.

But the wonderful thing here is that I'm learning. For real. I experience this character-building procedure in the most uncomfortable way I could have, but then, I benefit from it. I get so much from it. Not for the present me, probably, because she is the one going through the pain and discomfort. But yea, she'll have her future thanking her for being courageous through all of it. And I'm kind of looking forward to that. Yea. I just want to see that the end is not anywhere near, and that everything is an opportunity to grow and to be more of who I have been created to become. And I just try to be hopeful about the things, and I'm really really stretching my heart to just trust and believe that I am well-covered.

I just wanted to anecdote this freezing, boiling moment because this is how the year started for me. I'm not in the hopes though to let it continue on with this mood because as much as I am learning much, I also crave rest and calm for my heart. I hope I would be just fine. I believe I would be.

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Humihiling ng isang baluting hahagkan sa maaaring masaktan

Upang magsilbing panangga sa maaaring makalapit at manakit

Ang pag-asa'y mula sa kaibuturan at may paunti-unting kinang

Humahanap ng lunas sa mga papayapa na, na sana ay humupa na

Ang paglipas ng pag-ibig at ng tinuran na kapayapaan

Labis ang pait at pighati nag-uugat sa hindi maunawaan

Para saan pa't nagaganap ang hindi kaaya-aya, para saan pa?

Kung maaari na lamang na lumisan at magbalat kayo

Nang sa ganoon ay maglaho na ang lahat nang tuluyan