The Unexpected

A Long Post

Last October 21-24, 2013, some of the movers and multipliers from CCC movements from different campuses in Luzon gathered for the Luzon Student Congress: Juan Dream. And the impact it made in my life was unexpected. 

I was having second thoughts on whether I will attend the student congress since I find no motivation in going. I mean, I have had a tough finals week, and all I had in mind was to rest, to read novels, to watch films, etc etc. And honestly, the student congress will be cutting my plans for 4 long days. So here was how it went for me before the student congress:

Before Student Congress:

-reading novels

-watching films

-surfing the internet

-reading blogs

-planning crafts

And then days before the student congress, the delegates from the UP-DEPP (UP Clark) were already computing the expenses, the registration fees we don't have yet, and we were confirming the delegates' attendance. It was a little crazy since there were some who were suddenly backing out, and most of us haven't completed our registration fees yet. I think I was already driving our staff coach crazy that time hehe, but the Lord has plans! And He wants us to go, regardless of our problems, I know that the Lord has already crafted ways for us to go. And so we went. 

The only time I became excited for the student congress was the night before the first day. I think I was excited I haven't even got a minute of sleep. And so, October 21 came, hehe. As excited as the delegates were, it was a little embarrassing for Kapampangan movers because those who came from Pampanga were the very last ones who arrived at the meeting place (Philippine Campus Crusade for Christ National Office). Huhu. I can't explain how embarrassed I was at that time because we delayed the trip for one and a half hour. Hehe, but praise God, they arrived safe and sound. And after everything that happened, we were able to arrive at the Camp Benjamin, Alfonso, Cavite. Yipeeee. 

I was a little worried that I might not be able to concentrate because I didn't have sleep, but the Lord is good. Our first day was devoted to team-building activities which helped me a lot not to sleep hehe yehey! It was fun and I must say, it woke my veins up. Whooo! And so, I must say that I was starting to get fired up for the student congress.

The first night was a session from Open Doors Philippines. Graaaabeee, I have heard this very same session 2 years ago, but it made a fresh impact in my life, I mean what am I doing? I am in a free country, and I have all the means to share God's love to people, what am I doing slacking?

And there, yea. I slept early that night. Well, I was in danger of not being able to fall asleep again, and then, I made a new discovery: I can sleep better when listening to rock music with my headphones on. Hehe I haven't tried that before, and I just tried it during the congress.

Yea, and then, second day came, whooo, it was a little hectic for us, and certain questions and debates arouse, and for me, it was fun. I actually love things like that, makes us critical thinkers who don't just feed on whatever was being said. Actually, that's what I loved about the student congress, since it isn't just a training, we were free to speak, and mostly, we're encouraged to speak and to ask questions. The questions the students ask also help in evaluating different strategies CCC has come up with. 

Third day was awesome, I think it was the day that our movement spirit was really awakened. Ever since that day, I felt this urge started forming in my heart, and God knows how I could ever put these things I am feeling into words. 

Fourth day, last day, I know I am not the same. 

The student congress was really awesome. Our Juan Dream is to be able to build movements everywhere. It is still focused on God's commandment to us, the Great Commission:

Matthew 28:18-20 (NASB)¹⁸ And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. ¹⁹ Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo,I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

What was the student congress all about? It's more on strategizing ways to evangelize and disciple people who will disciple people. I have embraced what Paul has written to Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:2, so in my heart, I dream to see movements everywhere, I dream to witness knees kneeling before Jesus, I dream to see the truth unfold in front of every pair of eyes. Yeeeeaaahh! And I know I am Juan with my cojourners.

This student congress I know I've been different compared to my first training when I was in 2nd yr, and my 2nd one when I was in 3rd yr college. This time, I am bolder and not shy anymore. Haha, To the extent na nakakahiya na yata. Well, I became more comfortable with my cojourners, and I know that God has really changed me, gifting me with boldness! Praise Him.

Well, going back to my narration, I know I am not the same because God has truly captivated my heart. Super! He wants me to follow Him, well, ever since, He's been telling me this, but this time, when I heard Him call me to follow Him, I know it's really different. God wants me to obey Him with all I am, allowing me to prosper in Him. 

My heart is still heavy and burdened. I am excited to go back to my campus and shout how almighty God is. Hehe. I want this burden in my heart, that even if it is painful, I know it helps me. I want to keep this until classes start, and until Christ comes back. I want this fire to remain in me.

And after the student congress:

-instead of novels, I seek Him more

-I can't listen to music nor watch films (afraid that it will disrupt whatever I am experiencing)

-I chat with my disciples and cojourners as in. (I don't do this a lot. I don't chat a lot, unless it is important or it is an emergency counselling)

^ whoo. Of course, I didn't become totally different. I know that this is just a post-congress experience. I will be back to reading, and listening, and watching again. Probably, I am just allowing the fire to remain permanent in me. But, I know, that the Lord has really changed me, spiritually-wise. This was unexpected. I really did not expect anything to happen. I merely went with the flow, and God can truly work if He wants to. Wala eh, He really has plans my humanness can't interfere to. He wants me to be really His alone. And my prayer is for Him to truly captivate me. My prayer is maturity and spiritual growth, and I know God is already working in my life. :)

Yes, praise God forever. And now, I just can't wait. I can't wait to go back to Pampanga and do the labor He has assigned me, and I can't wait to finally see my Saviour and Master. :)

God bless you. 

How the semester ended

My "fourth" year-first semester ended last Friday, and um, yea, it was FUN.

Never in my entire life (in UP) have I ever experienced the weariness and exhaustion I felt during that last week of the semester, and I am hoping that it'll be the first and the last. Er. I know, I know. I said I am just hoping.

I honestly felt like I was crawling under stacks of papers and equations and medical terms, and I just can't breathe and I badly wanted out, thank God, I am so done with that (for now, for the thoughts of my grades are haunting me right now). Remembering that chaotic week even gives me goosebumps, it was a really bad week. 

Here's a peak on how it went:

Monday evening to Tuesday morning

Review at McDo with my roomie, Ila (this lasted from 9pm until 2 am):

Tuesday 

Last minute review for Clinical Psychology at the UPDEPP ehem "garden" (I look so studious there, ain't I?):

Then, after a stressful exam and before going home to more schoolworks, tada! the kids played at the Air Force Playground to shove the stress away. Hehe. (Um, more like took some photos than play, though)

Then, Wednesday, October 9 came, and hey, that's the date of birth of the most gorgeous lady ever. Ehehehehem.

So, a birthday amidst all these, huh?

Some bday presents:

DJ's gift is wrapped

tada! It's poop.

                   

Nikki's message. This was embarrassing, because this is the library computer and she left it like this for like hours there. Oh, but this is really sweet, ain't it?

 Then off to studying again

@ Starbucks. And dya see those Chemistry reviewers? (heh~ just browsed those though)

Presents again

Soleil's letter to me. Hehe. I have a deep appreciation for letters! Super sweet. And the stationery she used is also really cute.

Soleil's and Jessica's gifts to meh! :D Happy kid. (Jessica: DIY rabbit(?). Soleil: mixed CD, planner, letters. Both:  DIY bookmarks hehe of "some" guys)

halfway thru reviewing, Soleil and I "rested" to read a magazine, and rate the guy we are most likely to be attracted to

Off to Le Tigresses' Semender

More presents

from Jean and Yna & Yra. Um, I don't really know what my girls are up to with these gifts, but I find these gifts really personal haha. Sweet(?) More like making fun o'me though, haha. JK. Loved them (Jean: Wreath with purple, peach, and teal roses. Yna & Yra: Amelia's Boy Survival Guide Book)

They were not as busy as I was

the tigresses are playing this cute little game Jean introduced to us. The modern and virtual tayaan. I dunno what's this called though.

Thursday

Everyone in our apartment unit was busy, so this was how it was there. Hehe. No, this isn't a guy's room, we're all girls here.

  Picnic Grounds, Clark. (no, this isn't a picnic, this is review)

Snacks

They were preppin for a "therapy session"

</3

Boneil & Baldo

Mourning over Ch...

Decided I can't take these anymore, so...

I threw the reviewers away.

As if throwing them would take the hurt away. Retrieved them at once though

 Pictorial...

Staked lying on a not-so-clean bed of grass for a bunch of photos

(insert a tearjerking quote here)

Sunny. <3

Soleil, Jessica and I decided we couldn't study in the Picnic Grounds (for obvious reasons), so we rested for a while and went to Starbucks instead

I bet they're tired

Hehe. Serious mode

Soleil and her antidepressants & uppers

Then, let's not talk about Friday (Chemistry final exam day).

My body felt so heavy and tired that week. When I went home, as my sister was opening the gate for me, she was laughing at my eyebags, because those black bags were visible even in the dark. She told me afterwards that I looked like I came from war when she saw me. Huh! That week, I barely had sleep. </3 and I told the people at home not to wake me up the next day, but because my body is already used to no sleep, I woke up early. :'( until now, my body clock is still broken. 

But I am very glad, I feel hopeless and hopeful. Well, during times like this one, I see more of God's love and grace and I realize that His arms are my bed through whenever. Cool, yes. I mean I feel sorry for feeling really sick of all these things, because I always miss the point that God is with me, but He always assures me that He'll be with me when I walk thru the fire and waters (Isaiah 43:2). I am so thankful I got through it, and I got this awesome friends to be with me, too! :D Awesome people meet their own kind. Ehem

And when I got home, my family and I officially celebrated my birthdayyyy!

Because they love me they tell me the truth. Need I say more?

Naligo kami, promise, mukha lang hindi.

It was a very mini celebration because it's my 19th already, but I loved the intimacy and the sweetness of it all. :D I thank God for all these awesome people in my life.

Haha, and now, I am just waiting in faith for the results of my "hard" labor this semester that has just passed! Huhu. Waiting in faith will pay well, I believe. Oh yeah.

The Smell of the Day

Today. Today smells home. The atmosphere surrounding the place makes my heart light. The skies are dim, but it doesn't look like it's gonna rain, and thoughts flood through me. Everyone's got their own chores to do, and though I am required to slump myself in front of my academic books, it doesn't make that much of a difference, it still smells home.

Writing this helps me record the memory, writing consoles my heart from the remembrance of tomorrow's wave. This thing I do gives me a break from all these things I find myself I've drowned into. Oh, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. My brain is apparently working right now, but no, it does not work the way I need it to. I need my brain to remember and store everything that I am studying, but what it does is think things that make me dream and think things that slowly snatch me from reality.

My body feels weak and tired from the consecutive sleepless nights that I've been to, but because today smells home, I feel like a child once again. A child who's just doing her weekend homeworks, and who's gonna have her time for play a little later when the noon sun already rested. That's how I feel, probably, that's what I dream my life to be right now, I dream to become a child again, and to seize the days with my tiny little hands. And I realized that we always dream of the things of the past and the things that are to come. Who would dream of what's in front of them already?

Ok, as I was saying, today smells home and it makes me think of bright things, and it makes me wander in my head.

(Procrastination method #8: Write the thoughts that disturb you from studying)

YA

We feel limitless
We do things
We think we're invincible
The truth is
We're slowly killing ourselves
We do things
We think nothing can hurt us
The truth is
We ignore the pain

for those who are getting there, those who are young and old at the same time