That Man

I won't claim I'm your cool girl who doesn't find special days special at all. Everytime there's a special occasion, I reminisce, remember, recap things related (and sometimes almost unrelated) to the event. Like today, it's Daddy's 52nd birthday. 

I wonder if we're supposed to celebrate birthdays of people who've already left. Because they're not growing older than where they've stopped anymore. They'll remain that age, right?

People say that in death, the memory of someone fades. I'm afraid that might happen. There are just so many things in this life that are very difficult for me to let go. And I'm afraid to let things go.

Years have already gone. I am so much more different now. Things have become very complicated in my life already. And then, I'd think how my Dad would stand by me. I'd try to imagine if I would be the me I am, if my dad were still here.

Daddy hated it when I had a crush before, he doesn't want us to focus on stuff like that. Well, it was when I was in 6th grade, I was 11 then. I don't know if he'd help me how to figure guys out now that I'm already 19 and still single, never-been-courted, and stuff synonymous. I don't know how it's gonna be like to fall in love and get brokenhearted under the supervision of a dad.

Anyway, these are just thoughts now. 

Sometimes, I mean most of the times, I cry deep inside my heart for my loss. I don't cry for the memories, sometimes, I find myself crying for the things that could have been. I wonder how that's even possible-- to cry for something that's never happened, but people always do that, eh?

Dear Dad,

Please don't fade from our hearts. Happy supposedly-52nd-birthday!