Are you there

So much emotions surge in my heart right now. Tears have been lingering relentlessly on the surface of my eyes. And every little thing that I do reminds me of what's happening.

I can barely study. I can't remember what's in the long list of my pending tasks. Stuff are cluttered around me. I am feeling downhearted. I have these thoughts of fleeing. I want to retract from this world altogether.

Probably I'm hungry but I'm not sure. I think that there's something going crazy in my hypothalamus because I can't clearly interpret the signals from my physical body. I can't do anything. I don't wanna do anything. I've just been staring at my laptop. The things that I find lovely can't catch my attention. My heart is caught on strings, and I end up wondering and talking to myself, meditating and asking God.

What's happening? Where is God right now? My heart wonders. My heart calls Him. My heart cries out to Him!

Where are you? Are you even there?




Are you there, God?

And through my breaking heart, and through my wondering, I hear His voice.

And He answers and whispers so very gently to my heart.

"Stay put, anak. 'Wag ka masyadong mag-alala. I am here. I am with you. I've called you out to the great unknown, where feet may fail. Fear may surround you. But just trust in me. Magtiwala ka sa'kin. Ibigay mo na lahat ng 'to sa'kin."

"Have fear in me, and you will be fearless to all else. Whatever may pass and whatever lies before you, I am at work."

Through my tears and grief, I know He is there. He said He will take over. He said that it's not for me nor for us to go through alone.

People may think that it's stupid to continue on this walk that's been causing us distress and discouragements. People may think that it's crazy to think of continuing to shout praises to God everywhere, wherever we are. But this is what I was and we were created for. What's causing me pain is my doubting heart. What's causing my doubts is my fear of the unknown. But there's no unknown right now. The ending will always be God's victory. Whatever happens next lies in His hands, not on anybody's.

We are merely humans, and so we are inclined to emotions. It is inevitable for us to feel down and broken. It is inevitable for us to be afraid and to fear what's to come. But above all these, we are assured and comforted by the knowledge that He will take over through all these things.

We are humans and somewhere in our hearts, we're looking up to a supreme being who can rescue us, because we know that we're incapable. But my trust in God is not a result of my humanness. My trust in Him is a result of His greatness. I look up to Him not just because there's this human need for a supreme being in me, but because He is there and He is worthy of my trust.

As always, it is God's turn to do something great and miraculous. And I am waiting for that. All I know is that He is there. He is here. And nothing else matters.