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Emotions are as rare as the sunsets and sunrises. It is never out of sight nor is it ever out of scenarios. What I've been contemplating recently, though, is as ubiquitous as it is, is it that bad to have them?

I've been battling with all kinds of emotions these days, and I don't know how I can juggle more (or how I can juggle all these I already have in me). There has been a series of joys, melancholy, confusion, etc. And under these categories, are there even more sub-emotions. Emotions are just about everything, everywhere.

We've been talking a lot about emotional maturity these days, and there's been a lot of opinions about it: that emotional maturity is being invulnerable to emotions, that it is about not being affected by anything, or that it is about having no or little inconvenient emotions... bla bla... but are these things possible?

Maybe as an answer to my prayer to be more emotionally matured, different emotion-invoking situations just flooded me. And it is inevitable not to feel anything towards everything--to just be vulnerable, affected, and have not just little inconvenient emotional responses. I wanted to conceal how I feel, to not break down in front of anyone and to maintain my "emotional bravado". In reality, I am so fed up with emotions, I need to let it out. But there's something in me that's scared to be called emotionally immature.

And then, I got done with these thoughts: I shed the tears I've been blinking in, I screamed the anger I've been locking in, I ranted it out... I faced my emotions. I asked God, "Am I doing it wrong?" And then, I've realized that emotional maturity is not being invulnerable to the emotions, because emotions are always there!

Emotional maturity, I realized, is not being able to feel nothing towards what's happening. It is being able to feel emotions, and dealing with them the "proper" way. The proper way? Emotions are moment by moment states of the mind and heart. They don't claim permanency in anyone's lives, they quickly come and go. They quickly change. Being able to handle one's emotions that it can't affect the way we deal with people, the way we deal with our work, and the way we deal with ourselves--that, I think, is emotional maturity.

To feel hate, without hurting someone. To feel depressed, without hurting oneself. To feel stressed, without flipping everything over. To get broken, without having to leave everything else into pieces. To feel melancholy, without having to snap at everyone. These are possible. This is emotional handling. It's okay to cry. It's okay to get angry. It's okay to really feel bad. I don't think that we're ever limited to not have these emotions. But it is how we deal with them that matters.

This is just a pinch of a journey yet, and I know, surely, there are more yet to happen and to conspire. I'm sort of afraid that I might not be able to handle or juggle anything any longer. But being afraid? It's not gonna bring me anywhere if I let this emotion handle me. I must deal with it. I mustn't let it conquer. And so afraid as I am, I will continue on to this battle, with a soft and strong heart.