Repost: Not your dream girl

A friend of mine shared this post with me, and I just absolutely loved it! It was so honest and simple. I liked the thoughts on this post, obviously, that I'm reposting it. Haha. Waaah, she's soooo cooool. Anyway

It was written by Isa Garcia. And here's the original post: Not your dream girl

I am not your dream girl.

I am not the girl you built in your head when you were too busy falling in love with the idea of love. I am not the inverse of your ex-girlfriend, not the complete opposite of the last woman who took your heart and reduced it to ashes. If you’re hiding from pain then I can’t promise to not stir up old traumas or revive the ghosts you always thought no longer existed. Before any of us can even step outside the shores of safety and while the slate is still clean, I want to be straight with you. I am not going to make you happy all the time. 

Because the truth is: I’m probably not even going to like you all the time.

I am not going to save you or stitch you together or suddenly make you complete. Let me put all of this out there already. Believe it or not, I’m waving my honesty like a flag because I respect you. Because I’ve seen friends and brothers-from-another-mother become schmucks crushed by the hand of she wasn’t who I thought she was. Their hearts, bruised from the sudden deflation, have given me the resolve to abide by a different kind script, to come clean as early as now.

Because I think, at the very least, that you deserve to be saved from the illusion.

I am not your dream girl.

What I am is a real girl. Flesh and bones and tears and sweat; a palette of wonderful and ugly. I have a heart that is still learning to be absolutely worthy of someone’s trust. I am selfish and I am jealous and I don’t always tell the truth. I’ve got layers of insecurity wrapped beneath my smile. I doubt  myself enough times to carry question marks in my dreams.

I am a real girl who is not always pretty, who is hammering out the mess so that I might one day become a true kind of beautiful. I’m vulnerable, yes. But I’ve got more hope than I even have a right to possess. 

I am a real girl with words springing from the top of my head; a girl who believes in the credo of redemption that never stops telling me that I will always have worth. I am learning to speak up and say sorry. I am learning to be ridiculously generous with my kindness. I am stretching my heart, giving my dysfunction the permission to exist but also learning, every day, to be better.

I will disappoint you.
But I will also probably surprise you.

I am a real girl who has been hurt and will hurt and is always struggling to make something good out of the former. That, I think, is all you really need to know.